Bar Exam Side Effects

Hello from from my wits end. MA bar exam results are due very soon. I’m in a familiar yet loathsome place. The bar exam comes with side effects and prolonged exposure increases the likelihood of developing the side effects.  It is advised to seek help from the source of your choosing if the side effects persist for more than three months. The most common side effects are:

Loss of humor, forgetfulness, irrational anger, night terrors, spontaneous bouts of insane sounding laughter, anxiety and depression (godspeed if, like me, you already suffer). Insomnia, irritability, hermit syndrome, nausea, upset bowels, and lack of appetite, but a profound thirst for alcohol. Muscle aches, jittery nerves, teeth grinding, hair pulling, chest tightness, and loss of blocks of time due to conditioning of single minded focus. 

I find it hard to articulate exactly what is going on and why. All I know is “bar exam…” A friend of mine, the same friend who helped me express my racist bar exam experience, who has no ties to law school and probably gets it better than most people, even those with ties to law school, articulated it so well:

“Taking the bar is the most stressful thing you have ever done.  And you know the feeling you get when you take it and don’t pass and then have to retake it. So now all of the previous test anxiety is hitting you before you get the results because you don’t want to go down that path again. It makes sense. But it sucks. A lot.”

#accurate

~NV~